This place is like a jar.
And I'm breathing out of an oxygen mask.
Sometimes I wish I had fins. Or wings traced with silver veins. Longer hair, softer hair.
I want glitter and gold strings through my hair.
Or a small body and a starfish bathing suit with fish for friends and the ocean to protect me from the real world. I could be so beautiful and perfect, like a pearl.
I want bubble gum lips and curls down to my hips and glowing pale flesh.
Maybe live in a jungle and sleep in the flowers and fall asleep inhaling their intoxicating scents, and wake up watching the rain.
Live in sand castles left by children at the beach and pretend to be a fairy tale princess trapped in hew tower. Happily alone, knowing that my fairy tale prince is there with me and if I'm ever not okay, my faerie tale friends will rescue me, take care of me, comfort me. And at night, in my tower. listen to the ocean, being okay if it washes me away because I am not real and I will never die and whenever something is bad it will still work out and be okay.
I want to live in a mansion surrounded by roses with thorns high over the roof, my lawn will be a forest of nightmares that nothing bad and ugly can get through. And the inside will be glowing with marble floors and stone. Chandeliers draped with diamonds light up every room. And everyone I knew would be my friend. I would never be scared to sleep at night, my windows could stay open and I could just smell roses.
Maybe live in outer space, gazing at the consolations, and laughing at the ones on Earth because they will never know what true silence really is. Or how beautiful the world could really be, if you didn't see a single person, house, building in sight. I could travel everywhere and know every secret, spend my days reading and meditating and become a whole different being, something new, I could erase my past and start a new future.
But I live in the real world, where nothing is perfect and it's hard to find peace. Electronic waves, litter and buildings killing everything beautiful.
Mermaids and faeries and fairy tale princesses are never unhappy.